My life isn't boring!

Poppy War here! I recieved this questionaire (kinda like the purity tests from long ago). I filled it out and realized my life hasn't been boring. I have Care Diemed many times!

Level 1


(x) smoked a cigarette

(x) smoked a cigar

(x) done drugs

(x) kissed a member of the same sex

(x) drank alcohol



SO FAR: 5



Level 2

(x) been in love

(x) been dumped

() shoplifted

(x) been fired

(x)been in a fist fight



SO FAR: 09



Level 3

() snuck out of a parent's house

(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back

( x) been arrested

(x ) made out with a stranger

(x) gone out on a blind date



SO FAR: 13



Level 4

(x) lied to a friend

(x) had a crush on a teacher

(x) skipped school

( ) slept with a co-worker

(x) seen someone/something die



SO FAR : 17



Level 5

() had/have a crush on one of ur MYSPACE friends

() been to Canada

() been to Mexico

(x) been on a plane

(x) thrown up from drinking



SO FAR: 19



Level 6

(x) eaten Sushi

() been skiing

() met someone BECAUSE of myspace

() been mosh pitting



SO FAR: 20





Level 7

(x) been in an abusive relationship

(x) taken pain killers

(x) love(-like) someone right now

(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by

(x) made a snow angel



SO FAR: 25



Level 8

(x) had a tea party

(x) flown a kite

(x) built a sand castle

(x) gone puddle jumping

(x) played dress up



SO FAR: 30



Level 9

(x) jumped into a pile of leaves

(x) gone sledding

(x) cheated while playing a game

(x) been lonely

(x) fallen asleep at work/school



SO FAR: 35



Level 10

( ) used a fake ID

(x) watched the sun set

(x) felt an earthquake

(x) touched a snake



SO FAR: 38



Level 11

(x) been tickled

(x) been robbed/vandalized

() robbed someone

(x) been misunderstood

() pet a reindeer



SO FAR: 41



Level 12

(x) won a contest

(x) been suspended from school

(x) had detention

(x) been in a car/motorcycle accident



SO FAR: 45



Level 13

( ) had/have braces

() eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night

(x) had deja vu

(x) danced in the moonlight



SO FAR: 47



Level 14

(x) hated the way you look

(x) witnessed a crime

(x) pole danced

(x) questioned your heart

(x) been obsessed with post-it notes



SO FAR: 52



Level 15

() squished barefoot through the mud

(x) been lost

(x) been to the opposite side of the country

(x) swam in the ocean

(x) felt like you were dying



SO FAR: 56



Level 16

(x) cried yourself to sleep

(x) played cops and robbers

(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers

(x) Sang

(x) paid for a meal with only coins



SO FAR: 61



Level 17

(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't

(x) made prank phone calls

() laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose

(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue

(x) kissed in the rain



SO FAR: 65



Level 18

(x) written a letter to Santa Claus

(x) been kissed under a mistletoe

(x) watched the sun set with someone you care/cared about

(x) blown bubbles

() made a bonfire on the beach



SO FAR: 69



Level 19

(x) crashed a party

() have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people

(x) gone roller skating/blading

(x) had a wish come true

() humped a monkey



SO FAR: 72



Level 20

(x) worn pearls

() jumped off a bridge

() screamed "penis" in class

() ate dog food

(x) told a complete stranger you loved them



SO FAR: 74



Level 21

(x) sang in the shower

(x) have/had a little black dress

(x ) had sex in the woods

( x) had sex in a park

(x ) had sex in a car

() had sex in your parents room.



SO FAR: 79



Level 22

() got your tongue stuck to a pole/freezer

() kissed a fish

(x) worn the opposite sexes clothes

(x) Sat on a roof top



SO FAR: 81



Level 23

(x ) had sex at a church

(x) screamed at the top of your lungs

() done a one-handed cartwheel

(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours

(x) stayed up all night



SO FAR: 85



Level 24

() didnt take a shower for a week

(x) pick and ate an apple right off the tree

(x) climbed a tree

(x) had/been in a tree house

(x) scared to watch scary movies



SO FAR: 89



Level 25

(x) believed/belive in ghosts

(x) have more than 30 pairs of shoes

(x) gone streaking

(x) been in jail



SO FAR: 93



Level 26

(x) played chicken

(x) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on

(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger

(x ) broken a bone

(x) been easily amused



SO FAR: 98



Level 27

(x) caught a fish then ate it

( ) made a porn video

(x) caught a butterfly

(x) laughed so hard you cried

(x) cried so hard you laughed



SO FAR: 102



Level 28

(x) mooned/flashed someone

(x) had someone moon/flash you

(x) cheated on a test

(x) forgotten someone's name

(x) slept naked

() French braided someones hair

(x) gone skinny dippin in a pool

(x) been kicked out of your house



SO FAR: 109



Level 30

(x) Rode a roller coaster

() went scuba-diving/snorkeling

(x) had a cavity

(x) Black-mailed someone

(x) been black mailed



SO FAR: 113



Level 31

(x) Been used

(x) fell going up the stairs

(x) licked a cat

(x) bitten someone



117 out of 150, I have more living to do! LOL

What do girls want?

Where is an question I came accross on SodaHead.com. What do girls want? Really, you can't generalize %50 percent of the population, but here is my answer:

"Depends on the girl. Each one is different. Now, I want love and and someone who will stay with me through thick and thin. Someone who I can always count to be there standing beside me. Not someone to take care of me, but a partner who will be there with me. I am looking for a soulmate I can connect with emotionally and also sexually. (Come on, I do have a sex drive and sex is fun.) Also, someone with a sense of humour that can handle mine. Also, someone who can motivate me into being a better person I am today."

Hey, I'm am a unique person, so I don't know if this helped at all. But, every person is different. Every personality is different! People who write how to books on getting a date make me want to slap them. Every person has different wants and needs. That is why we have soulmates, I guess.

If it were so easy to generalize all human behaviour to the point of wanting and needing the same thing, then noone would have problems getting dates. Also, being someone you are not is a Fail! Now, being what I am and finding the love of my life has been rewarding.

Now, its time for me to get off this damn thing and Carpe Diem!

Love,

Poppy War

Warning: Rant

Poppy War here! Yup, just like my name, I'm angry! I am pissed! I am fearful! I cannot control my alter ego! She is going to hurt herself. She is hurting herself. She is in love and has thrown all logic out the window. She will spend all her money... my money... okay our money to the last dime! I had to stop it today. I mean, shit, this guy has his hands in my pockets and not in a good way.

She is supposed to be the responsible one! She is that is supposed to be the adult personality. It pisses me off! She is going to get hurt. I don't know when, but I know she will! Then get depressed and then its my problem.

Yes, I may have tried to sabatoge those efforts of hers and it didn't work! I can't figure this shit out! I mean, she loves the guy. He says he loves her. Then with my curiosity trolling I find he still trawls myspace leaving his profile single still looking for dating. Maybe I'll just leave that up there for 'ol Rachel-Ann to look at when she wakes up. Carpe Diem to that! Problem solved!

Why the hell, through years of therapy did this alter ego develop emotions. She used to be an emotionless alter to do all the hard sucky things of life. She was my little robot.  Working perfectly, puting up with things I did want to deal with. Now she has "feelings". She falls in love. She sings. She laughs. She even cries. She cares about other people. Argh!

Its hard to remember which one of us is the core anymore. This sucks. Fuck this shit, I'm going to stop ranting for now.

---Poppy War

A war Poppy does not understand...

Poppy here. It is 3AM where I'm at and I have been doing my regular trawling on the interwebs trying to learn something new, have a laugh or two, or maybe completely change the way I think.  (Okay, right now I'm trying to avoid too many life changing epiphanies, because I've already had 5 this year! I mean, come on, don't want to loose complete touch with myself and my reality.)

However, trawling around I find out so many people are depressed. WTF? Why? We are in a day and age where we can be who we want and do what we want. Sure we have responsibilites and obligations, but they really are choices! We choose the crappy job or crappy house... I mean, shit, we don't *have* to stay.

Alright now I know what you are probably thinking, "Poppy, you don't understand. I really don't have a choice or say so in..." Hell, I don't have full 100% control. Soon, my alter ego will be waking up to start the work day over again and want to do chores and shit. But, when I'm out I do what makes me happy. I don't care what other people think.

Whenever I am sad, I look at what is making me sad. There are ways to fix it. If you hate your job, update your resume and look for a new one. If you hate your house, save up your money and buy a new one. If you hate your family cut ties with them. (Hell, I did that for 6 years and they were more well behaved when I returned.)

Why be sad and cry and mope and write emo poems and garbage? I mean does feeling miserable make you feel happy? No? Then get off your lazy ass and do something about it! Anything! Even a slight change can bring on happiness. Update that resume! Start writing that novel! Stop talking about what you are going to do (major pet peeve unless you are actually doing it) and do what you say you are going to do!

I can think of about 10 reasons to be sad right now. I can think of 1000 reasons to be happy. I will post my gratitude list at a later date. But now, I must go and

CARPE DIEM!!!

Poppy War

Carpe Diem!

Poppy here! I have a public service anouncment! aetas: carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero This means Seize the day, trusting little in tomorrow. Tomorrow is not a guarantee. I used to keep myself in the rat trap of life. Stuck in my little rut I dug myself. I was safe and bored. I was getting no where.

I have taken chances this summer. Popanator is a chance I took. Yes, a lot of people hate the Popanator and those people can kiss my ass. I also have a fan base for the Popanator. However, I stopped caring what people thought. Some people think I'm gross, but those are also the same people who think its perfectly acceptable to pee on the toilet seat.

Okay, my point is no matter what you do, people are not going to like it. Even if you try to be safe there are going to be people who do not like that. So, doing nothing brings about the same dissaproval as doing what you want. Sad reality, but you are not going to make EVERYONE happy. That is why I don't care about what anyone thinks about the Popanator. It makes me laugh and it makes me happy. Who knows, I may be able to make some money off the Popanator...

I also took a chance by falling in love. It is a big risk, because I've been hurt in the past. However, I could have chose to do nothing and not be as happy as I am right now.

I took another chance by quitting drugs this summer. I have 6 weeks clean. It was scary and a big risk of having to live reality. However, reality is actually good. Yes there are scary parts and chances and big scary risks. However, I will survive and I am getting happier daily.

I couldn't have all of this if I didn't get off the couch one day and decided to seize the day and make changes. I am still making changes. I have goals in mind.

Life is short. Live it. How will you Carpe Diem?

Myths and Legends

Rachel-Ann here. I am searching around online trying to learn and read more about anything I can. However, as I am studying about MPD I find a lot of disturbing articles. I also find a lot of myths about this condition. Here are some of the wonderful myths I have read about:

Myth one: People with multiple personalities are unable to function in life.

I believe I function just fine. I work 40+ hours a week at work and am able to hold down a job. I am fully an adult and am able to take care of myself. True, at times it is hard to function sometimes when the other personality has different ideas what they want to do. (Sorry, Poppy if it wasn't for me lighting a fire under this rump we wouldn't work and sit around playing on the internet all day.) However, it takes communication from both parties and an understanding. We try to compromisse what is best for both of us.

Myth Two: The dominant personality is the one that usually seeks out help the most.

Complete myth. When it came to overcomming drug abuse, I was the one who checked ourselves into rehab. It was hard, but is usually me that has to work a program to stay clean and sober. I am not the dominant personality, rather the alter ego. If I need help, I am more likely to ask for it.

Myth Three: The alter ego is usually the evil one or imature one.

Hahahahahahahahahahah! Sorry, Poppy. Neither one of us are "evil". We are different in our own rights. We both have our dreams and goals, although some parts do align. Poppy is still stuck at the age of 17. Yes, it was brought on by trauma. The lost soul does pine for the past. I on the other hand had to grow up. I took on the responsibilities of adult life.

Myth Four: The dominant personality is the one that makes all the rules.

Not always. Poppy is the dominant. She is the one that has been around since birth. I am just an alter ego that has been around for 10 years. However, we have about 50% control who can come out at any time. We do have our own tasks. I work most days of the week. She gets the slow days or the days she has tasks she needs done. I do most of the administrative tasks and most of the mudane work that needs done.

Myth Five: Multiple personalities are a deterant to life. It is a disability.

I never think of this as a disability. I wouldn't say it is something normal, but to me it is a normal. I am used to it. I have learned to live with it and cope. MPD does not have to be a deterant to life unless the alters lack communication.

That is all I can think of for now. I will write again later.

Rachel-Ann

I admit it...

I admit it. I am in love. I felt hard. I hope he doesn't hurt me. I sheild myself and make myself hardned in order not to get hurt. However, when this love came into my life I could no longer put up my defense. I had to relax and let another person into my inner circle. I don't know if I'm nuts, or if I will get hurt. However, this is the best feeling in life. Better than listening to love songs on YouTube, drinking Pepsi and blogging all at the same time. My heart once again is open. Normally I am cold hardened and cynical, but now my heart is open.


---Poppy War

Communication

Rachel-Ann here. All the problems and arguments I've had in the past week all had the same thing going wrong: A lack of communication. We all want to be heard and understood, but it seems the other party is distracted or has a lot on their mind so they aren't hearing you. I have the same problem too, so I don't always blame the other party.

Communication is vital in all relationships business and personal. However, we all get lazy on this. We expect the other person to know what we are thinking, feeling, and what we need. Whenever they can't, we get angry. Here are some tips I've learned about communication both personal and business:

1.) Give the other person your undivided attention. I know its hard in this age of techonology not be distracted by our electronic toys and text messages. However, put that stuff down and let other person know you have their undivided attention.

2.) Eye contact (this only works in person) is very powerful. It shows the other person you are there and they have your full attention.

3.) When all the phone, let the other person know you are engaged in the conversation by ocassionally saying uh hu or hmmm. Avoid "yes" because it show you agreeing with them when you don't. I am guilty of throwing in a yes when I actually mean "I understand what you saying". I have agreed to some werid things.

4.) Voice tone and inflection are very important. Voice tone is more important than what you are actaully saying. Try to have your voice have positive energy behind it.

5.) Turn off the internal noise. Instead of thinking about what to say next, let the other person finish their sentance. In doing so, you will find more detail in what you need to know.

6.) Don't interrupt. This is *very* rude! Only interupt when a person is being abusive or obnoxious. Let the other person have time to say what they need to say and in their own style. Nothing turns a relationship sour faster than being interrupted and rushing. People find this threatening.

7.) Don't be afraid to ask for clarifcation. Not only does this show you are interested in understanding them, but it will help clarify what you need to know. I never get offended by being asked to explain.

Well, this is all I can think of for now. I know communication is something not only I, but a lot of people need to work on.

Thank you for reading,

Rachel-Ann

Staying in the solution.

Rachel-Ann here. One of the most important things I find in life is to stay in the solution and not the problem. There is so much in life that we can complain about. However, that just brings us down into a deeper depression. It causes unnecessary saddness.

We have more freedom than we realize. All we do is make choices. We may feel stuck, but think of the choices we do make on a daily basis. The choices on who to be with, where to go, and what to do... We don't have to do anything except die and pay taxes. All the other stuff we CHOOSE to do.

The people I respect the most are the ones that get this. The people who when they are confronted a problem immediately think of ways to fix it instead of complain. When they find the solution to the problem it ceases to exist. It is so simple, but so many people don't get it.

That is why I hang out with solution-oriented people (the people who I call the winners) in work and in life. They are the people that remind me to think outside the problem and to fix it. I do my best to remember this daily so I can continue being a better person.

Thank you for reading,

Rachel-Ann

My first post.

Hello, my name is Poppy War. This is the look inside the mind of someone with multiple personality disorder and how I live through it. It is is about the triumpfs and set backs of sharing a body and mind with a whole other being. It is harder than marriage in the fact that we don't just share a house, but a body and a life and maybe a soul. Sometimes the writings on here will be me sometimes from my alter ego Rachel-Ann.  Our egos are about 10 years apart in age difference. We both have seperate goals and dreams. We both share a few goals which is to remain drug free and achieve independance.

Living daily with this disorder is no picnic. We have to communicate and be careful when we come out. Sometimes while driving I come out and forget where I'm going! Sometimes I forget what I'm doing! Sometimes I'm making love and the other personality comes out and is like WTF? and freaks out. (Epic fail story for a later time.) 

Rachel-Ann is an awesome admin with a mind for scheduling. That's why I keep her around. However, I forget what she plans. The daily planer is a life saver for me. We write to each other in order to communicate what we need to get done.

No, its not acting. We are two seperate people. We have different IQs, aspirations, even health! I can walk for 8 hours straight and poor Rachel-Ann gets out of breath in 15 minutes. I can dance around to my favorite songs and she would rather just sit there and listen.

Well, I must leave for now. Time to get motivated and get some stuff done.